A Tale Not for the Faint of Heart

Not so long ago in a land called Liberty's Rental Home (better known as Land of Old-Not-Energy-Efficient-Due-to-Cracks-and-Crevices-Around-You-Name-it), a beautiful, svelte warrior girl (it's just a TALE, remember and I can't stand the word woman)lived. She was a bit worn out from all the battles fought this past month. Her assistant, a dashingly handsome, strong assistant, had been off-duty during the day so that he might battle an evil oil spill, threatening the welfare of the town's folk, by night. This left the girl to face and win many battles on her own: the Fecal Prince, leaving his mark every where he went, the Trash Mouth, who slung barbed insults like stones and Nebulous Noise, who crept here, there, everywhere wearing down the girl with its loud, yet sneaky maneuvers.

Just when she had conquered her foes and thought to relax, her assistant was called away again. This time, he was needed in far-away Virginia, to complete the deed of Closing on the House. And so the warrior girl was left to herself. This tale is not of her battle with Car Quitting on a Hill in Torrential Rain. No, it is of a more devious, yet smaller, enemy come to prey: Little Winged Insects.

On a cloudy, humid night after a couple days of rain, little winged termites come out to play around town. They form swarms of moving, wiggling insects, creeping, crawling over everything they come in contact with. These things are drawn to light and will find any way to get there. The tired warrior girl had just finished painting a dresser (a fabulous shade of black) and sent her young beasties off to bed after a quick FHE (natives were too restless). She had her little beastette hanging on as she puttered around the house putting away laundry and picking up random toys. As she moved around the house, she noticed a couple of insects flying around the dining room light. Hmmm. When she walked into the kitchen, there were a few more around that light. She brushed away an errant hair and noticed it wasn't a stray curl, but a winged enemy flitting around her head. Arrggh! Moving speedily into the living room, she saw movement all over the couch, wall, chair...everywhere! The enemy was infiltrating her fortress (ramshackle as it was) and moving in quickly. This meant war! Brushing away tears of frustration, the brave warrior pulled out her trusty Dyson, small yet powerful, and went to battle. Every click of the hose as the insects were sucked in, brought a frown of disgust to her face. Uggh, but she was determined to win. In a lull of movement and after a hasty call to her assistant, who proved useful with a little advice after chortling way too much, the girl taped around the windows and pushed rugs against the doors. Click, click, click. She was sucking the winged insects as they flew through the air. Cleaning the enemy off of the stove, around the baseboards, from the furniture, the end was in sight. Ahhh...lights off, a lamp on to help draw them in and she was able to pick off the stragglers as they flew. Another battle won, the only injuries the heebie-jeebie goosebumps and a lingering feeling of bugs crawling on her...

The warrior girl is tired...she needs a break.